Journalist Casey Beros cared for her dad until his death two years ago. She decided to share what she’d learnt in a new book called Next of Kin.
By Ara Jansen
As a writer you’re often told to write what you know. That was never more relevant than to health journalist Casey Beros and her latest book Next of Kin – it’s about what to expect when you’re expecting to care for someone you love.
The Perth-born journalist felt the pull home from Sydney when her dad was diagnosed with mesothelioma and given six months to live. Casey, her husband and two kids moved back across the country so she could spend previous time with and care for her dad.
What started as six months turned into two years, before her father passed away in 2023.
This double-sided experience – both incredibly joyful and painful – led her to write Next of Kin, a highly accessible and practical guide around looking after someone who is dying, sitting side-by-side with an honest, generous and moving recount of her own journey.
Casey echoes her father’s thoughts calling life a glorious tragedy – the death of her father but the opportunity to spend intensive time with him.
With her journalist hat never far, Casey had the foresight to record many conversations with her dad and take copious notes about what they were both going through.
She has written the book she wished she had at the beginning of her care journey, covering medical, physical, legal, financial and emotional care.
“I’m encouraging people to read this before they need it,” said Casey. “For the people who are in it, or have recently been through it, this is an ‘I see you’.
“My dad was my person. He was my soul mate in a lot of ways. There’s now a gap in my life that can’t be filled by anyone else. The way he got me has not been replaced. I chose to look after him and would choose it 100 times over.”
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Casey said coming back to Perth to be with her dad did not feel so much like a duty, but a compulsion, even though she didn’t really know where it came from.
“I never remember having the conversation about coming to Perth. We had been in Sydney for 15 years. COVID kind of forced our hand as I was working for myself and my husband was working remotely as a teacher.”
Casey went from not seeing her dad much to seeing him every day, with their connection and emotions on steroids knowing their time together was finite.
While rationally knowing she would lose him, Casey took the opportunity to have many deep conversations about life but also about how we and the system could do better in this space.
“I chose not to live with hope of a miracle. The truth is that you are going to lose them at some point. The gift of a prognosis is that someone has started a clock and put it on the wall. In this case the clock was wrong, and I got two-and-a-half years.
“I really leant into every day being with him. We went on holidays, had second breakfasts. We didn’t dawdle because you always think you have more time. I still don’t have any regrets that I leant in so hard and left nothing on the table.
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“It was a willing investment, but I don’t recommend it. People who read the book will be able to relate to being able to see what you did on the other side.
“I’m young and able-bodied and otherwise fit and healthy, I can do this. But I did wave the white flag a few times, which I needed to do way sooner. If you had said while I was in the trenches ‘you can find five minutes’ I would have quite liked to have punched you in the face.”
The author said now she lets the grief come when it does, which is allowing her to move forward. That’s not to say grief doesn’t still hit Casey. Something seemingly unrelated – like picking up a yoghurt in the supermarket – can suddenly bring on waves of grief.
“What an insane privilege to be able to do that for him. A lot of people wouldn’t be able to move a family of four across the country to do something like this.
“My family and friends really stepped up and helped my family stay alive. They dropped us meals, checked in, picked the kids up from school.”
Next of Kin is available online. Medical Forum has three copies of the book to giveaway, see our competitions page for how to enter.
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